i don't want to choose an option or make that option available to me just because i can have it or its for the taking. i want to take an option that i genuinely want.

and the next option i want is new york. simply because i just want to do international law.

and if i don't get that, i don't want to flounder around here doing things that i'm a) not interested in b)don't care for c) has nothing to do with where i want to be in the future.

i have great distaste for ppl who seem to see the option of going back home or singapore to work as a lousier option, or a backup. and speak of those who have gone back to singapore to work with a sneer. fuck you larh. seriously. there's nothing wrong with working in singapore. i like my comforts, i like my culture, i like the fact that we're in asia, and i'm near japan and korea, and i have my family and friends back home who are important to me. and i like my lifestyle, though there's alot to be said about society. i hate it when people say that, oh cos so-and-so couldn't get a job in london, so she HAD to go back to spore. growls. it might be true for some, but that doesn't make that person any less than someone working here or in nyc okay.

sighs. as much as i am an international creature, love the world and traveling and believe i can survive anywhere around the world. i think at the end of june or july next year, wherever i am. its time to go home. i don't know why, its just my gut feeling partly. shrugs. and then give me another 5 and 6 years and i'll probably head out again. japan, hongkong, nyc or london are all places i can really see myself living in really. shrugs.

sighs, too many decisions that are out of my control really. i hate this feeling of being on a boat stranded out at sea and waiting for a wave to come push me in a certain direction.